Why Is It So Hard to Say Yes to Platonic Touch and The Stories I’ve Created About Building This Community.

Every time I share my passion for cuddle therapy and the Wheel of Consent in Kansas City, I get a lot of enthusiasm—until I ask if they want to come. Suddenly, the energy shifts.

“Oh, I don’t need it, but I see how it’s important work for the world. Keep it up.”

I love the support, truly. But it’s discouraging to hear so many people recognize the benefits yet refuse to see themselves as someone who could receive. These aren’t random strangers—they’re friends, people who know me and trust me.

So why does the concept of receiving welcomed, platonic touch scare so many people away?

The Straight White Male Factor

Beyond personal hesitation, there’s another barrier I’ve struggled with from the beginning—one that was brought up in my very first interview for cuddle therapy certification.

“You’re a straight white male,” they said. “That’s going to be a challenge.”

I understood why. I still do. Straight white men don’t have the best reputation when it comes to touch. There’s a lot of distrust, and I don’t blame anyone for that. The world has given plenty of reasons to be skeptical. But it’s still disheartening to be met with so much hesitation before I even open my mouth.

The way I present—my body, my gender, my identity—carries weight, and I recognize that. But I also want to be part of the change. I want to help other men see that nurturing, platonic touch isn’t weakness. It’s not something to be ashamed of. I want to help women experience what it’s like to receive support from a man without fear of hidden expectations.

This space isn’t just about giving men permission to receive. It’s about changing the way we think about touch—separating it from sex, from performance, from obligation. But getting men to engage in this work is a challenge. We’ve been conditioned to either sexualize touch or avoid it entirely, and neither feels acceptable. Even I felt resistance when I first discovered cuddle therapy—before I understood how much I needed it.

But when men do show up, something shifts. Every time I embrace another man in a full-bodied hug, I see the softening not just in him but in the women around us. There is space for men to receive and give in a platonic environment. The challenge is getting them to believe it.

The Fear of Receiving

I get it—this work requires vulnerability. It challenges the deeply ingrained belief that it’s better to give than to receive, that asking for what we want is selfish, that touch is only for romantic partners.

But the truth is, we all benefit from touch. Study after study shows that it lowers stress, blood pressure, inflammation, and cortisol while increasing oxytocin, improving sleep, and regulating the nervous system. More than that, it connects us—to ourselves, to each other, to something bigger.

And yet, people hesitate. Even those who say they support my work struggle to invite their friends in. Even those who recognize their own touch deprivation resist taking action.

“I Have a Partner for That”

One of the most common responses I hear—whether it’s at a coffee chat or a “Free Hug” event—is “Oh, I have a partner for that.”

But when I challenge them—“Do you get all your needs met by your partner?”—I’m often met with a hesitant, saddened No.

So why not come to an event? Why not schedule a one-on-one session?

Because their partner wouldn’t approve. Or because, if the roles were reversed, they wouldn’t want to see their partner do it.

The underlying message? That receiving non-sexual touch outside of a relationship is a betrayal. That their need for comfort and connection is somehow dangerous. That it’s easier to ignore an unmet need than to have a hard conversation about it.

I’ve worked with people in relationships who have broken through this conditioning. One woman with two young kids and a busy husband realized that the only touch she was receiving was either non-consensual from her children or purely giving to her spouse. In session, she got to experience being cared for—without expectation—so that she could return home as a more present, fulfilled version of herself.

A married man attended one of my group cuddle events because his touch needs were higher than his wife’s, and she supported him in getting them met in a healthy, structured way. Since then, he’s become a grounding presence in my events—a man offering safe, supportive touch without expectation.

It’s only cheating if you choose not to have the conversation. You deserve to have your needs met.

“This Is Just a Code for a Sex Party, Right?”

The fear that this is some kind of covert sex party makes me laugh—because I understand where it comes from. The world has taken advantage of this kind of work before.

But when I joke that “it’s not a spooning orgy… well, okay, it kind of is,” I follow it up with “but it has the potential to be so much more.”

I’ve seen people holding hands, sitting back to back for support, practicing acro yoga, eye gazing, brushing hair, giving massages, and, yes, cuddling—including spooning. But I’ve also seen people sitting in quiet observation, journaling, practicing saying No, negotiating what they’re comfortable with, and, most powerfully, learning to ask for what they want.

And maybe that’s the scariest part.

Because if this is real—if people truly can receive nurturing, platonic touch without expectation—then what else have we been denying ourselves?

The Isolation of This Work

I light up when I talk about this work. I get so excited that I sometimes wonder if my enthusiasm is part of what scares people away.

But that excitement is often followed by a wave of loneliness.

Am I doing the right thing?

Why do so many people see the value in this but never show up?

Is it just me that wants—needs—more touch in my life?

That isolation makes me hesitate. It makes me second-guess putting myself out there. It even makes me self-conscious about asking for touch from the people in my life. And that only deepens the loneliness.

There’s a push and pull. Sharing what I love is part of who I am. It’s in my nature to bring my community into my experiences. And yet, building this from the ground up sometimes feels impossibly heavy.

What’s Stopping You?

Despite the challenges, I am determined to make this work. To create a community where platonic touch is valued, where people can feel safe, connected, and whole.

If you’re feeling disconnected, isolated, or touch-starved—join me.

I know that reaching out is one of the hardest things you can do. This post has been a year in the making. Some of you have probably seen me talk about this before. Maybe you’ve even considered it but never taken that next step.

So, what’s stopping you?

What’s keeping you from recognizing your inherent worthiness—your right to ask for what you want and not settle for less?

There’s no judgment from me. Only an enthusiastic curiosity.

Let’s have a conversation. Let’s meet for coffee. Let’s build something together.

Because the world doesn’t need more isolation. It needs more connection.

And that starts with a simple Yes