Often in life we make things harder than we should, or is that just me? Asking for a hug is no different, and I'm going to offer up some step by step guidance for making the ask.
Step #1: Admit that you want/need the hug!
Seems kind of obvious, right? We are so detached from our bodies and emotions, that sometimes it's hard to even know that's what we want or need. Overwhelmed with an emotion, maybe a hug is just what you need to lessen the overwhelm and bring you back to planet Earth. Acknowledging it is always the first step!
Step #2: Prepare to get brave
Congratulations, you have made it to step two! You thought step one was hard, now you have to get vulnerable (brave) and ask someone for that hug. Why is this brave? When we acknowledge that we need a hug we have to put ourselves out there and make the ask. Whenever we make a request, there is always a chance someone will say no. That's the risk, even trusted loved ones may not have the space or capacity to give you what you are needing in that moment. They may say yes and still not have the capacity to hold you in a comforting, judgement free way.
Step #3: The ask
Depending on who you have chosen for the hug you most likely will want to ask. Nothing ruins it for me more than going straight in for a hug and getting stiff armed. Getting consent is important. Let them know what you are needing so that they can give you exactly what you need or at the very least, do their best.
Step #4: Go in, all the way!
There are a lot of different approaches and hugs out there. I always, and I mean always, prefer the full body embrace. Well maybe not always, there's always someone that's the exception to the rule. Back to the types though, we know the traditional side hug (you probably know this one), the bro hug (the half handshake that puts a barrier between the chest of the two), the tent pole hug (imagine creating tent, both people are ass out and hinged at the hips to barely embrace) and the quick hugs (most commonly with bros that give the 3 slaps on the back).
For full hugging benefits, stand tall and full body embrace one another and hold that position. Shoot for at least 30 seconds but honestly, trust your body to know when to back away, that may be 5 seconds or 5 minutes. Either way you'll know when you have reached full hug capacity.
Step #5: Soak it in, be present
Know matter how long you go for, be present with yourself and soak in all the the goodness. Imagine letting go of those overwhelming feelings in the mind and having them melt off of you and having the Earth take them away so you can be in your body fully.
Step #6: Step back and say thank you
It's all done, you may not have let it all go, but I'm guessing you feel a little better. Express your gratitude, you have asked for something big and in return been given a great gift. Try and make eye contact and simply say, Thank you!
That's it, you're done and I'm so proud of you! It seems simple, but it's huge, acknowledge all your bravery. You've connected with someone awesome and gifted them with your badass vulnerable self! Why do we make things so hard, make it easier from here on out!
Love you!
Kenton
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