To quote K'Naan, a Somalian born wrapper, "Any man who knows a thing, Knows he knows not a damn, damn thing at all."
So why in the hell do I and a lot of you out there walk around this planet thinking we have control of anything. In fact, the illusion of control has been the crux of most if not all of my suffering.
I don't deal with an overwhelming amount of anxiety, that being said, I do have anxiety, because it's a natural human feeling. I'm learning that my anxiety is usually, if not always, is directly related to how much I'm trying to control my environment in some way.
Why on Earth do I continue to do this? FEAR of the unknown, duh, we all know that on some level. So why is that fear of the unknown so much harder to accept than the anxiety, disappointment, resentment, and overall suffering that my foolish attempts at control are?
Shit I don't know? I'm just trying to figure this human experience out just as much as you are. Getting curious, asking questions, and trying to connect.
Letting go, for me, is becoming more and more about being vulnerable. Vulnerable to life and all that can come from it. Trusting that all the answers I'm searching for are within me. Within my body, being held hostage by old stories that I'm too afraid to look at, to talk about and to share with others.
If I'm being honest with myself and you, those stories are really what I'm struggling the most to let go of. My identity has been consumed by others, letting go of those stories means letting go of who I have allowed myself to become. Letting go means to admit to myself that I have been "wrong" most my life. Wrong in who I have thought myself to be.
If I don't know who the hell I am, what can I ever say I know?
Probably nothing...and that is scary as hell.
Who's ready to admit that they don't know anything at all with me?
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