Why oh why, is it so hard to receive? Shall I count the ways? I'm sure my reasons are the same or similar to yours.
How many times have I refused or resisted help with a door when my hands are full? Accepting help as simple as that, why do I continually find it hard to take?
I've been taught most of my life to do it myself and told many lies like, "It'll make you stronger, you'll be perceived as more valuable at work" and the biggest lie of them all "It's better to give than to receive".
The truth is, it's made me lonely, isolated and tragically independent. I feel "less than" when people offer help, as if I can't do it myself and the victim mode kicks in. I begin to resent others for not being there when I need/want them. Everyday, people offer us help, friends, family, and even strangers offer us something. I'm learning see it more, be grateful for it, and mostly stop taking it for granted when it does present itself.
So back to what makes it so hard. For me, it's been conditioning from childhood that I am not able to ask for it, "Figure it out on your own". Which has made me question lots of things about myself, "Am I worthy of help", "Am I weak because I need help", and "People are too busy/not willing to help me". What poor stories to tell myself, but I'm just trying to be honest.
It takes real vulnerability to ask for help. As someone that has been swimming deeper and deeper in the vulnerability pool, I have found myself realizing that receiving and asking for help is unfamiliar waters and it's keeping me from giving my whole heart, unconditionally.
What does this have to do with cuddling? I'm finding a common theme in the people I have worked with, that most are there to receive something they are not getting enough of on their own. I'm able to easily give this gift, but why is it so hard for me to ask for? I can encourage my clients to ask for what they want in a session and that's exactly what makes it hard for me to ask outside of a session. I don't feel like I'm hearing the message or better yet I'm not willing to ask for what I want. I'm a giver, and in that I am receiving, but not in a sense of what I personally love and want. I want to receive so that I can be a better giver. So that the frequency of receiving radiates through me in a way that my clients feel so free to ask for what they desire. Put my oxygen mask on so that I can help you put yours on if needed.
Here's my message to you and to myself. Be brave, be vulnerable and stop the stories that people won't give you the help you need. In an industry that is still growing and evolving I'm offering the gift of love for those that have physical touch high on their love language list. It's ok to ask for physical touch, especially platonic touch. It fills our cup and I've recently said that it is like a massage for the soul; grounding us, connecting us and bringing us closer to our own bodies to discover what we need. Physical touch reduces stress in our bodies and minds, it connects us on a level that, for me, reminds us we aren't alone. With more of this in our lives, we learn to receive more and therefore can give wholeheartedly.
Comments