Have you ever said “yes” when you really meant “no”? Felt guilty asking for what you wanted? Given more than you had the energy for?
If any of that sounds familiar, you’re not alone. Most of us were never taught how to clearly separate what we want from what we’re willing to do for someone else. We go through life saying yes when we mean no, hoping people will read our minds, or feeling resentment build when we give too much—but we don’t always know how to change it.
Why Is This So Hard?
From an early age, we’re subtly trained to prioritize other people’s needs over our own. We learn to:
• Accept a hug even if we don’t want one, so we don’t seem rude.
• Go along with what others want to keep the peace.
• Feel guilty for asking for things, as if having needs is selfish.
Over time, these small moments add up, and we lose the ability to clearly ask for what we want—or even recognize what that is in the first place.
The Hidden Cost of Avoiding This Conversation
When we don’t know how to ask for what we truly want—or feel safe saying no—this shows up everywhere:
• In relationships, where one person feels overextended and the other feels unsure of what their partner really wants.
• In friendships, where we agree to plans out of obligation rather than desire.
• In work, where we overcommit and burn out.
We end up drained, disconnected, and sometimes resentful, even though no one intended for that to happen.
The Wheel of Consent: A Simple Framework for Clarity
The good news? There’s a way to untangle this, and it starts with understanding The Wheel of Consent.
The Wheel of Consent is a powerful yet simple tool that helps you understand the difference between giving and receiving, doing for someone else vs. doing for yourself—so you can communicate with more clarity, trust, and choice.
For example, imagine a simple request: “Would you rub my shoulders?”
Most people assume this is about giving and receiving a shoulder rub, but the deeper question is:
• Are you asking for what you want (to receive a shoulder rub)?
• Or are you offering to give something to someone else?
Many of us mix these up all the time! The Wheel of Consent helps untangle this confusion so we can interact in a way that feels good for everyone involved.
A Simple Shift That Changes Everything
Think about the last time you hesitated to ask for something. What stopped you?
• Fear of being a burden?
• Worry that the other person would say yes but not really want to?
• Uncertainty about what you actually wanted?
What if you could ask with confidence, knowing that the other person had the tools to say a clear yes or no—without guilt or pressure?
This is what the Wheel of Consent offers: a way to communicate that is based on clarity, honesty, and real choice.
Ready to Communicate with More Clarity and Confidence?
I’m currently deepening my work with the Wheel of Consent, not just for myself but to help others navigate these same struggles. If you’ve ever felt stuck in patterns of over-giving, unclear boundaries, or hesitation to ask for what you truly want, this work can change everything.
I offer coaching and guided exercises to help you build the confidence to communicate with clarity—whether in relationships, friendships, or everyday interactions.
If this resonates with you, let’s talk! Send me a message, and let’s explore how we can work together to bring more ease, trust, and choice into your life.
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